How to look after yourself at Christmas if you’re feeling low

How to look after yourself at Christmas if you’re feeling low

If you’re feeling low then we’ve put together some top tips to cope at Christmas time.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Or so we’re told.

There’s so much pressure at Christmas time for us all to be merry and bright – and an unspoken stigma towards anyone who might not feel so jovial.

But we all know that life doesn’t always work out as we think it should. If you’re suffering from depression or struggling mentally that doesn’t just go away as we hang up the tinsel. The pressure to have a happy Christmas can actually worsen symptoms,

But how do you get through the festive period if you’re feeling low?

Look after yourself

Nail the basics. Make sure you get enough sleep and rest. Eat well, drink enough water and get all the breaks you can.

It can be harder to eat well and sleep well when you’re struggling. But the more you can, the better you’ll fare.

It can help to ask your partner or a family member or friend to keep an eye out and help you nail the basics too. Whether that means cooking for you, looking after the kids so you can rest or helping with nursery/school runs so you have less on your plate.

If someone offers to help – let them. If nobody does – ask!

Even during the festivities make sure you carve out some time to breathe. If you need a walk alone or a nap then take it. If you need to put on a Christmas movie so the kids will zone out and you can snooze – do it!

And don’t feel guilty. Self-care is never selfish. When you know you’re already struggling it’s vital.

Use the FLAME way to build self-care into your days as Christmas approaches

How to cope at Christmas – Talk to someone

This one goes for whenever you feel down but is more important at this time of year. The task of planning for, shopping for and getting ready for Christmas can feel overwhelming at the best of times. And almost impossible if you’re struggling.

Talk about how you are feeling. Don’t bottle it up. Talk to your partner, your family, your friends. Opening up about how you are struggling is hard but it always helps. Talking will ease the pressure and help you gather support to help you cope throughout the busy Christmas period.

You might feel that you need to talk to a counsellor or a mental health professional to make sure you have the support you need.

Seeking help is not a weakness. It’s a brave and important step.

If you are feeling so low on energy that you can’t even begin to find out how you can get help then ask a family member or friend to help you find places to contact. We have some great charities and organisations that can help on our PND pages.

How to cope at Christmas if you're feeling low - talk to someone

Cut back on presents

We all know that there’s often too much spending and too many gifts at Christmas. And thinking of what to buy and shopping for them adds to the pressure. Make a list. Make it twice (scrapping all the extras) and make Christmas shopping easier.

If you can’t face the shops, buy online. Support local online shops if you can.

And – if your Christmas list is as long as your arm and it stresses you out – maybe now is the time to scale back on who you buy for. Maybe do a Secret Santa for adults in the family so you all but one gift instead of one for each other?

Scale it all back on the food will help with coping at Christmas

The lead up to the big day is such a hectic time. There’s just so much to plan and do and – especially if you’re feeling low – it can feel overwhelming.

One of the things you can do is to scale it back. You don’t have to go overboard and drive yourself to exhaustion prepping for the best Christmas ever. It won’t do you any favours and it won’t help your family either.

If you’re cooking – remember that essentially Christmas dinner is just a posh roast. And nobody will care if you cut corners. By all means – if you’ve got the time and the energy – make your own cranberry sauce and roast potatoes. But – if you’re feeling frazzled cut ALL the corners. Buy pre-made sauces and trimmings. Go all out and buy easy bung-in-the-oven shortcuts. Delegate and ask guests to bring a dish each so that there’s less pressure on you.

how to cope at Christmas

One of the best ways to cope at Christmas – Be brave enough to say ‘No’

Decide how you can cope at Christmas this year and say ‘No’ to anything you know will push you too much.

If you can’t face lots of social occasions – then don’t go.

If you’d rather have a quiet family Christmas at home then make it happen.

Last year – with the Covid restrictions – taught us all a lot about how Christmas doesn’t have to be a huge event.

And how there are ways to connect without even leaving your house. If you want to forgo a big family get together and travelling then suggest you all meet on Zoom instead for a family quiz.

It’s hard to say ‘No’ but – if you’re struggling – it can be the best thing for you. AND your family.

How to cope at Christmas: Limit your social media intake

Your Instagram feed will be chock full of images of families enjoying the ‘perfect’ Christmas. We all know that they’re just snapshots. And that they don’t always tell the full story. but being bombarded by images of the perfect family Christmas when you’re feeling low can make you feel even more miserable.

They say comparison is the thief of joy. But, if you scroll through social media, it’s hard not to compare. And to come away feeling worse than you did before you checked your feed.

If you’re struggling try and limit your social media intake. If you’re really brave – delete it altogether – at least during the Christmas period.

When there’s an empty place at the Christmas table

One of the reasons you might be struggling this Christmas is because you’ve lost a loved one. At this time of year, it can feel harder than ever.

Give yourself permission to grieve. It can be really really hard. But it’s not something that you should conceal and keep to yourself.

Cruse advises finding a way to remember your loved one and says:

“This can be as simple as ‘speaking’ to the person, silently or out loud, visiting their grave, or a place that was special to them. These things can be done alone or with friends or family. You may have photos or memories which you can share to bring you together.”

Marie Curie suggests finding ways to pay tribute in your day:

“Take the chance to talk about your loved one. You could light a candle by a photograph or release a balloon in memory.”

Pure and simply: you should listen to your own gut about how you would like to process the loss. Whether you would prefer going to your local church and being with a community as you hang an ornament with your loved ones name on it, or if you would prefer to quietly grieve in familiar territory like your own home -it’s up to you. Do what feels right in your heart.

And when you need to process it, try not to hold back the tears and keep a brave face for your family, as they can be a big source of comfort at this time. We need to remind ourselves that It’s okay to be facing a difficult time in your life and to feel sad about it. Even if it happens during the festive period.

Remember: It’s okay to be sad at Christmas

If you’re feeling low – for whatever reason – Christmas can be a hard time. The pressure, the enforced jollity and the overwhelm of all you have to do to get ready for the big day can be immense.

Talk to family and friends. Or perhaps a counsellor or medical professional.

And remember – it’s one day. Just one day.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. You’ll get through it.

Reach out. Take care. Be kind to yourself.

And – let others look after you too.


You might also like:

Simple ways to ignite your spirit and improve your mood

Is there too much pressure to be the perfect parent?

Manage your anxiety- 5 top tips to help you in the moment

Simple Christmas toddler activities – Printable activity sheets

Simple Christmas toddler activities – Printable activity sheets

Looking for some easy Christmas toddler activities to keep your little one occupied? Look no further!

At this time of year, every parent needs an easy way to keep little ones occupied while they get on with the million and one other tasks we need to get done in the run-up to Christmas!

Here are some simple, no-fuss Christmas toddler activities to keep little ones busy. Ways to win back 5 minutes to get stuff done.

Christmas toddler activities to print out

Image of Christmas Toddler Activities

This Happity Hack comes courtesy of Kerry, founder of the very fab and funky Paper Joy.

Alongside her bright and beautiful art prints, Kerry produces colourful and useful paper goods you can print at home. She helps to save you time and money. Kerry has very kindly let us have some fun printable Christmas toddler activities – perfect to achieve a few minutes’ peace and quiet.

Download and print Kerry’s Christmas creations:

Christmas Toddler Activity Colouring Pages from Paper Joy

Give them to your toddler and let them create a colourful Christmas picture.

Spinout the activity by letting them stick on some cotton wool, sequins, scraps of paper, or glitter to embellish their pictures. Voilà! A Christmas collage to be proud of.

Christmas print outs for parents too!

Kerry also has some fantastic free Christmas printables to help out busy parents too. Whether you’re organising your Christmas menu or your Christmas shopping or want to work your way through a Christmas bucket list – she’s got a printable for you!

Download and print them out to get your Christmas planning on track!

Christmas activities for toddlers

Hassle-free Christmas toddler activities when you need to keep them occupied

Click the links to find ideas at your fingertips to keep your little ones occupied as you get through the hectic festive period.

There are cute colouring sheets, letters to Santa, little easy makes for toddlers – and much much more.

If you make a Christmas Eve Box for your children, then maybe this is a good idea for you. Print out these colouring sheets, staple them together and add them to your box. It makes for a lovely activity for little ones on the night before Christmas.


If you end up using any of these fabulous print-outs, we’d love to see them! Post them on your Instagram page or Story, tag our page and use the tag #HappityChristmas !

We hope that your children can have fun and that you can have an extra moment of calm with this easy little activity.

From all of us at Team Happity, we hope you have a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

You might also like:

Easy Christmas Crafts for Toddlers

9 Magical New Christmas Traditions for Toddlers

Simple ways to ignite your spirit and improve your mood

Easy Christmas crafts for toddlers

Easy Christmas crafts for toddlers

Looking for some cute and creative crafts for your toddlers this Christmas? It’s time to get the glitter out!

We’ve put together some easy Christmas crafts for toddlers. Many you can create with things you’ve got lying about the house (or in the recycling).

Let your little ones have fun as they create these festive masterpieces.

1. Super soft snow dough

christmas crafts for toddlers - snow dough

This is the softest loveliest snow dough. You only need TWO ingredients to make it. And it smells divine too! Just mix cornflour and hair conditioner together in a bowl. Knead together until you have a soft ball of snow dough.

Your toddler can just enjoy squishing and rolling it in their hands. Or they could make little snowmen, like the one we made above.

2. Cork and cotton bud printed snow pictures

Easy Christmas crafts for toddlers - printing snowmen

Toddlers will love printing these cheery snowmen! Dip a cork into white paint and print three circles to make each snowman. Once your snowmen are dry, add details with felt pens. After that comes the really fun bit! To make it snow – dip a cotton bud into white paint and let your toddler print loads and loads of snowflakes in the sky.

3. Christmas Crafts for toddlers – little card Christmas trees

Christmas crafts for toddlers - little peg trees

Such a quick and easy Christmas make for little ones. Simply cut triangles from green card and your toddler can decorate them with stickers, little buttons, sequins, mini pom-poms or even balls of scrunched up tissue paper. Pop a peg on the bottom to make their little Christmas trees stand up. Your toddler will have so much fun decorating their festive trees that they might make a whole forest!

4. Twig and pom pom trees

Christmas crafts for toddlers - little stick trees

This is a lovely activity for little ones. First head on a walk to find some twigs. Then, once you’re home cut the twigs into different sizes to make branches. Ask your child to choose the longest branch to place in the middle to make the trunk. Then arrange the smaller branches, sticking out from the trunk. Your toddler can now decorate their tree by adding little pom poms, beads or buttons along the branches. Don’t forget to add a star at the top (we used a shiny star sticker!). You can either keep all the pieces in a bag or box and use them again and again as a nice activity – letting your child build and decorate their tree on a tabletop. Or, you could use PVA glue or a glue gun to stick down the branches and baubles to make beautiful pictures or Christmas cards.

5 . Glittery pine cones – an easy Christmas craft for toddlers

Christmas crafts for toddlers - glittery pine cones

This is the perfect activity for toddlers as they will have so much fun in the making as well as being delighted by the sparkly end product. Roll pine cones into the paint. While doing so your toddler can have great fun rolling them around a piece of card or paper to make snowy prints. For a bit of extra sparkle sprinkle some glitter on top of the paint, while it is still wet. You can use a glue gun to stick a loop of string or ribbon to the ends of your glittery pine cones so that your toddler can hang them proudly on the Christmas tree.

6. Toilet paper roll creations

Save those humble toilet paper rolls for some amazing Christmas crafts for toddlers. There are so many ways you can use paint, pom poms, sequins and card cutouts to make some fabulous festive creations.

Snowman:

Paint your toilet roll tube white, cut out a carrot-shaped nose and glue it on, draw on details with a black Sharpie

Reindeer:

Paint your toilet roll tube brown. Stick on googly eyes and a red pom-pom nose. Draw a mouth with a black Sharpie. After you’ve done that, glue on antlers made from twigs or pipe cleaners.

Santa:

Paint your tube red all over, except for a small circle for the face, which you can paint white. Use a cotton pad to make the beard and moustache and use Sharpies to add on the details. For the hat, cut a circle of red card. Make a cut from one edge to the centre and then roll your circle into a cone shape. Add some cotton wool to make the hat’s trim and pop a little pom-pom on top to finish off.

7. Christmas crafts for toddlers – Eggbox festive friends!

Don’t throw out that eggbox just yet! You may just have some use for them yet with this cute little Christmas craft for toddlers. Though they may need your hand with the scissors, this one is a great way to make a new friend for your children.

You will need an eggbox, paint, brushes, newspaper, glue, coloured card googly eyes, and cotton wool. If you have extras like shiny gold card, glitter, buttons or colourful pompoms then they make for excellent additions, but they’re really not necessary.

For each character, you will need 3 holders of the egg box, so make sure you have enough (It doesn’t matter if there are gaps down the sides)

Elf

For your elf, paint two of the eggbox holders a light green, and one a light pink/orange. You will also need to cut from your scraps two smaller pieces for the ears. Leave to dry, and then very carefully (on the pink/orange one) cut a hole on either side for the elf ears (you may need to do this part for your children!) and stick them in. Then, begin stacking and glueing the holders together. (I put small scraps of newspaper between each to keep them separated a little!)

Now you can start adding your features! Paint or glue on your buttons, stick on your googly eyes, your googly eyes and a bright little hat for your happy little elf.

Santa

For Santa, paint two of the eggbox holders red, and one a light pink/orange. While you’re waiting for this to dry, maybe you’ll want to start cutting out hats and any other features you want to add for your eggcup friend! Then, begin stacking and glueing the holders together. (Again, putting small scraps of newspaper between each one helped to keep them separated a little!)

Now you can start adding your features! Paint or glue on your buttons, stick on your googly eyes, your googly eyes and a big fluffy beard for father Christmas

Christmas Tree

For a Christmas tree, paint all three of your eggbox holders green. While you’re waiting for them to dry, start cutting out the decorations you want to stick on (including your tree topper!) Then, begin stacking and glueing the holders together. (Again, putting small scraps of newspaper between each one helped to keep them separated a little!)

Now you can start adding your decorations! Paint or glue on your decorations, tinsel and whatever your heart desires!

8. Paper chain to display your Christmas crafts for toddlers

Have you got endless amounts of Christmas paintings, drawings, and crafts being made by your toddlers? Not sure what to do with these Christmas crafts for toddlers? Well, maybe the answer is as simple as getting them to make another one and turn it into something you can put on your wall this Christmas!

Simply help them by cutting out strips of two different colours of card, and passing them the glue to make some paper chains. Once you’ve made one long enough to hang along your mantlepiece or across a bannister, grab the blu-tac (or glue) cut out their shapes (if they’re okay with it!) and start adding them to your chain. Or, if you really want to keep your toddler busy, make multiple chains for multiple crafts.

Not sure what colours to use? Try picking ones that correspond with the pictures made. E.g. red and green for a Christmas tree, blue and white for a paper snowflake/snowman, brown and red for a reindeer. Or, alternatively, you can’t really go wrong with a bit of red and gold around Christmas!

You might also like:

9 magical new Christmas traditions for toddlers

How to cope at Christmas

Printable Christmas toddler activities

9 magical new Christmas traditions for toddlers

9 magical new Christmas traditions for toddlers

From the Christmas Light Express to the North Pole breakfast – here are some magical Christmas traditions for toddlers that they’ll love.

Once your toddler is at an age where they really start to ‘get’ Christmas you can start some family traditions. Traditions that will become part of your own family Christmas year after year. And ones that your toddler will look back on when they are older with fond memories.

Family traditions all add to the anticipation and the build-up to the big day. They create the magic and wonder of Christmas.

Watching the wonder of Christmas through your own child’s eyes brings back so much of the excitement you too felt when you were younger.

Here are some of the new family traditions you might want to start as a family, all perfect for toddlers.

1. A special decoration each year as a new Christmas tradition for toddlers

A lovely family tradition to start is to make or buy a special decoration each year. There are a lot of different options out there! If you visit your local Christmas market, you’re bound to come across a stall or two selling personalised Christmas decorations. Or, alternatively, you could make one yourself!

You can buy little snow globe baubles where you can insert a photo of your toddler. Or why not visit a pottery painting studio so that your toddler can decorate their own bauble?

Or get the glitter out and make some of our Easy Christmas Crafts for Toddlers.

2. Waiting for Father Christmas

Much of the magic of Christmas for little ones is waiting for Father Christmas to bring presents. There are so many lovely Santa traditions that you can start.

You might hang a “Santa stop here!” sign in the garden. Or put out milk and cookies for Santa – and a carrot for Rudolph, by the fireplace on Christmas Eve.

You could even draw around a large pair of shoes or wellies and cut out foot shapes from card. Then sprinkle flour or icing sugar (or fake snow) over the footprints. Once you take away the card you will be left with a footprint or two outlined in ‘snow’ as proof that Father Christmas really did arrive!

Christmas traditions for toddlers - santas footprint

3. Christmas stories by the light of the tree

T’was the night before Christmas, and it’s late in your house. Your toddler isn’t sleeping, but who is? Your spouse!

There are some brilliant Christmas classics out there for bedtime stories just fit for your babies, toddlers and children alike. Reading books in the run-up to the big day is a lovely Christmas tradition for toddlers. Pick out all of your favourites and enjoy the look of wonderment in their eyes!

One of the lovely Christmas traditions for toddlers to start is to pick 6 Christmassy stories, wrap them and place them under the tree. In the 6 days before Christmas, your child can unwrap a book and it can be their bedtime story.

You could also take them to a group that does group reading to feel the joy with other mums, dads and tots.

Check out some of the classes we list over on Happity here!

Christmas traditions for toddlers - reading books

4. Make/buy a personalised stocking for your to create a new Christmas tradition for your toddler

Whether you’re putting presents under the tree or filling a stocking -there’s something heartwarming about having a personalised stocking for your little one that you will be able to bring out year after year. Whether you’re buying one or making one -you won’t regret getting a stocking for your toddler.

5. All aboard the Christmas Light Express

There’s nothing more magical than seeing lots of Christmas lights twinkling in the dark skies, in the run-up to Christmas. One late afternoon or early evening you could all go on a drive around your local neighbourhood to see the sparkly trees and lit up windows in the houses and gardens all around you.

You can make this experience even more exciting by making a ticket out of gold card and announcing to your toddler that they can step aboard the ‘Christmas Light Express’. You could wear a Santa hat and decorate the inside of the car with tinsel. Throw in some yummy drinks and snacks that they can enjoy on the journey. This will build up the magic even more!

Team Happity have said across the board that it’s one of their firm favourite Christmas traditions for toddlers – and older kids love it too!

6. New Christmas tradition for toddlers -Visiting Santa’s grotto

There are many places where your toddler can go and see Father Christmas in his grotto. At some, they may even be able to see his reindeer too.

Grottos are pretty booked up this year but if you can get a slot it’s totally worth it for that magical feeling of standing in Santa’s Grotto and seeing your lovely little bundle of joy staring up at Father Christmas in wonder. You’ll keep hold of the photo you take that day for far longer than you expect!

The big man himself- Father Christmas! Ready to say hello on toddler's first Christmas

7. Advent calendar and a reverse advent calendar

Toddlers will love opening the doors of an advent calendar and finding out what’s inside. At this age an advent calendar with pictures to reveal is perfect. It also helps your little one see how many days are left until Christmas. For them, the wait can seem to last forever!

Another idea to add to our list of Christmas traditions for toddlers to start is a reverse advent calendar. To make one you can stick four wine bottle holders together so you end up with a box with 24 sections. Use a pen to write numbers 1-24 on the sections. Each day your toddler can help you place one item into your reverse advent calendar. The idea is you fill your box with items and – when it is full – take it to a food bank or charity. It’s a really nice way to teach little ones about the joy of giving and thinking of others at this time of the year.

Christmas traditions for toddlers - advent

8. North Pole Breakfast

You might want to start Christmas day in a magical way with a North Pole Breakfast. You could make pancakes and use whipped cream and strawberries to turn them into Father Christmas and serve with a glass of milk or a hot chocolate. An exciting breakfast is a good way to refuel after your (no doubt) super early start to the day! And it makes a nice break before opening more presents or visiting Grandma.

Father Christmas pancake for a toddler's first Christmas

9. Snuggling up to watch a festive film

Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas without enjoying some festive films. There are some lovely Christmassy animations that little ones will love. Here are just a few:

  • The Snowman
  • Trolls Holiday
  • Olaf’s Frozen Adventure
  • The Snowman and the Snowdog
  • Arthur Christmas

There’s nothing lovelier than putting your PJs on and watching a festive film with the Christmas tree lights twinkling.


We hope you enjoyed our list! If you want to see some Christmas content from us, our lovely parents and some fabulous classes, jump over to Instagram and check out the tag #HappityChristmas

From all of us at Happity, we wish you a Happy Holidays and hope that you have a wonderful time this Christmas season!

Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?

Search Happity to find everything that’s happening for the under-5’s in your local area – from music and singing classes, to messy play, arts and crafts, baby massage, gymnastics and more. Simply enter your postcode and child’s age to search, and then book your spot in a few taps. Enjoy dedicated fun time with your little one, watch their skills develop, and make friends at the same time. Mums, dads, grandparents and carers will all find something to love!

Find a class today!

You might also like:

Easy Christmas crafts for toddlers

How to cope at Christmas if you’re feeling low

9 brilliant benefits of baby and toddler Classes

Is there too much pressure to be the perfect parent?

Is there too much pressure to be the perfect parent?

Today there is huge pressure to be the perfect parent.

A recent survey from BabyCentre revealed that 3 in 5 mums feel a huge pressure to be perfect parents. Another survey by Sure Start Scotland found that 50% of parents said they were put off seeking help because they felt like ‘bad parents’ for asking.

Where does this pressure come from and how can we deal with it?

Nicola, a mum of two girls from Team Happity, addressed this in our latest Instagram Live. Here’s what she had to say to open up the conversation:

The overwhelm of parenting advice

Today we’re bringing up our babies and children with an overwhelming amount of advice from digital media. There are so many blogs, surveys and media headlines coming at us from all sides telling us how to parent (and how not to). Often, the advice is changing and contradictory. It can be confusing and lead us to doubt our own instincts. And worry about whether we’re getting things wrong. It all adds to the pressure.

Our own grandmothers and mothers brought up their babies without this plethora of parenting advice. They relied on their own instincts as well as asking advice from family and friends (who they lived close by providing a village to raise their child). Things were simpler. There was more hands-on support. There wasn’t the same level of scrutiny.

Now many more of us live far away from our families. Our ‘villages’ are not there to step in and provide reassurance, help and support on a day to day level. And we can feel more alone and more doubtful about our parenting.

A mother’s place is always in the wrong!

There are online debates daily on the rights and wrongs of parenting. You can easily feel like you don’t know which way is up and feel like, if you get it ‘wrong’, then you’ll be judged.

Even if you don’t face direct judgement from people you know – you make you can read tweets and comments online from others who disagree with any parenting decision you make.

You give your baby a dummy – and then read hundreds of judgemental comments online condemning parents who do that. You stop breastfeeding at 3 months or 9 months (or keep breastfeeding until 2 years plus) and wade through hundreds of comments on social media about why either decision is harming your child.

Even if you feel like this was the best parenting decision for you and your baby and your family at the time you made it, you’ve got to have a thick skin. And a high level of confidence to brush this level of passionate online criticism and judgement.

The pressure from social media to be a perfect parent

In the survey from BabyCentre 2 in 5 mums said that social media intensifies the pressure to be a perfect parent because you are constantly bombarded with perfect images of parenting and compare yourself to others.

There’s a well known saying that ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. When you’re constantly being fed photos of happy parents with Insta perfect lives then this is elevated. Comparing yourself and finding that you come up short can really chip away at your self-esteem.

The pressure was less without social media

My girls are both grown up now and so I went through the early years of parenting when social media wasn’t a thing. I actually feel really lucky and thankful for that. Don’t get me wrong – there are many positives to social media – especially in terms of connecting parents and providing an online community and support. But that level of ‘in your face’ comparison just wasn’t there for me.

I felt like I was on a good day if I left my house without an obvious baby sick stain on my jumper and having found time to brush my hair! I didn’t even give a thought to whether my baby’s nursery was beautifully themed or whether I was pushing a stylish buggy. (Mine was the one I could afford at the time and later one I got as a hand-me-down from a friend).

Social media is now part of our lives and is here to stay. We all know that behind every perfect Insta shot there is no doubt a pile of clutter that a mum has pushed away. And that, more often than not, the pics show the best sides of a parent’s day and not the tears, tantrums and ‘in the trenches’ moments.

When you’re feeling a bit wobbly it’s harder to remember that a photo does not tell the whole truth and to stop comparing your own life to the lives we see on social media.

Putting pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parent

For me, the idealised picture of motherhood that I had in my head during pregnancy was just not realistic. I remember being told I could go home with my newborn baby and feeling overwhelmed. Although I’d had nine months to plan for this moment, it felt a little reckless that now I was taking this tiny vulnerable newborn home, feeling suddenly like I had no clue what I was doing!

Of course I learned along the way, but that feeling of overwhelm and uncertainty rocked my previous vision of myself as ‘the perfect mother’ right from the get-go.

Expectations vs reality

I had strong feelings of how I would parent before giving birth. If any of the things I’d planned didn’t work out, then I’d really beat myself up and feel like I’d failed somehow.

For example, I’d planned a natural birth. After over 32 hours of agonising and exhausting back-to-back labour, I begged the midwife for an epidural. It was the right decision for me at the time but I still felt guilty for ‘failing’.

There were many other moments where the ideal and the reality of parenting didn’t meet up and the guilt I felt for ‘getting it wrong’ was huge. Whether this was giving up breastfeeding too soon or shouting at my child after a day when I was exhausted and frustrated and just didn’t have the patience to deal with the crying or tantrums.

Work and mum guilt

the pressure to be the perfect parent

I grew up with the message that women could ‘have it all’. Which is empowering on one hand. But adds to the pressure on the other. Especially since flexible working, affordable childcare and gender equality are not yet at the level where women can find a perfect balance between work and being a mum.

We are expected to work as if we don’t have children, and parent as if we don’t have to work. I have worked part-time and full time as a mum. And have often felt like I couldn’t give both my full energy and attention. It never takes much for a perfectly planned week to go off the rails and for the plates we spin in the air to keep both going crash to the ground. All it takes is a poorly child or a childcare issue for things to start feeling stressful.

The guilt that comes with not always being able to find the balance between work and parenting adds to the pressure.

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent

My children are now both grown up and over the years I have worked hard on being kinder to myself and trying not to beat myself up for not being the perfect parent. After all – the perfect parent doesn’t exist. Just as the perfect human doesn’t!

I make mistakes. Of course I do. I always say sorry afterwards and try not to let the mum guilt eat away at me. All the choices I have made as a mum were the best for me and my children at the time and with the resources (and sometimes the energy!) I had.

The truth is we’re all just doing our best. And that makes us good parents. Which – seeing as perfect parents don’t exist – is good enough!

The very fact that you are worrying about whether you’re a good enough parent means that you probably already are.

You’re amazing and you’re doing a great job.

You’ve got this!

Watch our Instagram Live

We’d love to know what you think about whether there is too much pressure to be the perfect parent. Hop over to watch our Insta live and please do leave a comment to share your thoughts.

You might also like:

Loneliness as a new mum – One mum’s story

Be more toddler! How it could make us happier

The impact of the pandemic on parents: One year on