Sleep is for the weak- and other lies parents tell themselves.

Sleep is for the weak- and other lies parents tell themselves.

I think any mum with a baby could tell you that sleep deprivation is real. It is a part of the reality of parenting, and it’s no surprise at all that it is used as a torture method in many countries…

How often have you started your day with nowhere near enough sleep? And have you ever lied to other parents about just how much sleep you got?

Young parents often feel embarrassed about feeling sleep deprived and exhausted, but it’s not something we should be ashamed about! A lot of us have been there.

Katy Halliday is a mum of two, a registered social worker, a trained sleep consultant and founder of Cowleaze Child Consultancy. She has shared with us her experiences with sleep deprivation and what lead her to decide to train as a sleep consultant. Thanks, Katy!


Who needs sleep? Life is far too busy

I have been doing a lot of reading about sleep recently.  As a mum with a 5 month old and a nearly 3 year old, you could imagine (like most parents) I am pretty obsessed with sleep. What I am reading is illuminating, but it is hardly surprising.

I think any mum could tell you that sleep deprivation with a baby is real. It’s a part of the reality of parenting. It’s no surprise at all that it is used as a torture method in many countries.

Who hasn’t stood at their baby’s cot at 3am promising their soul to any deity, universe, or mother earth in exchange for a few more hours of precious sleep? I know that I am probably likely to be smited any day now after I reneged on the charity marathon/ sponsored silence (literal impossibility for me)/ soup kitchen volunteering that I had used as a bargaining chip in my desperation.

In this consumer day and age of “more” and our commodity driven lives, we have to sacrifice something. That something, we are told, is sleep. We need to work longer hours to have the lifestyle we want, go to the gym to maintain healthy bodies, spend time socialising to ensure our emotional wellbeing, take our children to multiple activities and clubs in order to progress their development, spend time on our appearance so that nobody suspects that we are actually exhausted.

With only 24 hours in a day, sleep gets shoved to the side-lines. We are in bed later, up much earlier and as parents we are up multiple times per night. Sleep gets sacrificed, but at what cost?

My own little sleep thief

Here’s an interesting statistic. When interviewed by Netmum’s, 64% of parents said they lie to other people about how much sleep they are getting. There is so much shame around not being able to get your child to sleep. It’s so unnecessary. But my own story echo’s this, and I can relate to every one of those parents.

I went back to work when Daniel was 9 months old. I couldn’t wait to get back, to be honest, as it meant human interaction which had been severely lacking during a lockdown with a small baby. By this point he was up almost every hour at night. I would breastfeed him back to sleep in his nursing chair before wearily creeping back to my bed to wait on edge for the next wake. I would then go to work and try to make clear and informed decisions on serious and high-profile social work cases. Not to mention working the long and demanding hours…

Routines that involve a baby & sleep deprivation can’t last forever

This went on for a whole year, except Daniel exchanged the breast for a bottle. By the time he was nearly 2, I was at breaking point. I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone at work as, although I had an uber understanding bosses about being a parent, I was a senior social work manager. Apparently that meant I was supposed to know all about how to parent my child perfectly. Social work mum shame is exponential!

I was also pregnant with number 2 and was so sick that without warning I used to daily projectile and coat any random area of our house that I was standing in. Daniel eventually would only go back to sleep if I took him into the spare bed with me.

I was dealing with this all myself so I didn’t have to manage my husband on a lack of sleep too. I love my husband dearly but he turns into some sort of irrational, impossible man-ogre if he doesn’t get his 8 hours. It is easier to leave him with his ear plugs in. So there was me, exhausted, pregnant and at breaking point. I knew my friend had used a sleep consultant to “sleep train” their baby. Cynical though I was, I decided to explore it.

What I found blew me away. I could pay for a sleep consultant to guide me through a bespoke programme with Daniel that didn’t involve leaving him coldly alone in a room in distress, but instead teaching him gently how to soothe himself to sleep in the evening and then back to sleep if he woke in the night. It was revolutionary. He slept through the night within a couple of days. It has changed us as a family beyond measure.

Sleep is for the sensible and sane

Stanley Coren in his book ‘Sleep thieves’ records that several of the world’s most dramatic disasters have been found to be as a result of sleep deprivation, including the Chernobyl disaster and Apollo 13. 20% of road traffic accidents are caused by sleep deprivation (It is probably more but it is difficult to measure).

Sacrificing sleep has a dangerous cost. Add to that the neuroscientists are discovering that sleep is the most important function that your body can undertake for a healthy and extended life -it becomes clear that we need to think about this more. For children, a full night’s sleep is essential for their physical, social, emotional and academic development. What parent would not want to give them a full advantage in that area?

I believe so much in the necessity of sleep now for myself and for both my children that I want to help other struggling parents in the position I found myself in. So I looked into adding to my social work training and I have trained with Baby Sleep the Night. I’m now a qualified sleep consultant, running my own business and loving life.

I have come to realise that feeling shamed into hiding my sleep deprivation while being a mummy to a baby or little one helped nobody. The best thing I can do for my children (and for myself) is to prioritise developing their sleeping skills, like I would any other developmental milestone.

Katy's son, fast asleep and dreaming peacefully.

Would you like to share YOUR story?

We’d love to hear from you. This Is Family is all about sharing family stories – especially from families who feel like their voices are not often heard. Every family has a unique story to tell. We’d love to hear yours. Find out how you can feature on our blog and get involved. So that other parents can feel less alone.

More from This is family:

Sleep? I hardly know her

Raising children in the climate crisis

Being told your child has Autism

Maternity leave without a baby – My first baby was stillborn 

Maternity leave without a baby – My first baby was stillborn 

After giving birth, I shut off from the world and and tried to process what had happened. I kept waking up each morning thinking, “how? How can I be on maternity leave but have no baby?”

Stillbirth is when a baby is born dead after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy and, according to Tommy’s, 1 in every 225 pregnancies in the UK ends with stillbirth, with 2,638 babies being stillborn in 2020.

Anna Lumley shares the story of her first baby who was stillborn, and the ways that it has affected her- even to this day. She’s sharing this story with the hope that it will help someone who has experienced something similar feel less alone.

If you are seeking support and help with the loss of a baby, we recommend you visit organisations like Sands, who offer bereavement support groups around the UK. You could also check out Tommys, Lullaby Trust and Baby Loss Alliance for help.

If you are looking for any other support, check our PND support page.

Keep safe. x


My first baby was stillborn at 38 weeks

I’d been doing NCT classes and made a lovely group of new “mum-to-be” friends. I scanned at 36 weeks, and everything was fine. I went out to lunch with everyone on the Friday, and I remember us all wondering who might give birth first. 

But by Monday, my life changed completely. Nothing could prepare me for the shock and loneliness I felt being told there was no heartbeat and that my baby would be stillborn. As well as that, I realised that couldn’t face any of the lovely new friends I’d made for a very long time.

After giving birth, I shut off from the world and to try and process what had happened. I kept waking each morning for about six months thinking, “how? How can I be on maternity leave but have no baby? It doesn’t make sense“. 

Pregnant again, but avoiding the talk

Almost a year later and I was pregnant again. This time I hid the pregnancy from everyone for a very long time. I only told work because I legally had to, but I requested that it didn’t get discussed a lot. I didn’t even tell my own mum! She’s very ill in a care home, so I didn’t want to worry her.

Even though this was a very long scary pregnancy I was excited to hopefully be part of this wonderful new baby world I’d heard so much about and dreamt of for years. 

The struggles to find my tribe and being open about my stillbirth

I contacted NCT and asked would it be at all possible if my number could be passed to some mums. I hoped that I could make some new mum friends, so asked if any could meet up with me. However, I was told this wasn’t possible. There were no mums in Beckenham with a similar due date.

I was offered classes to join once the baby had arrived, or drop in groups to go along to. But this wasn’t the support I was looking for or needed right then. Looking back on that, I realise just how hard that was. 

Some time passed, I was induced early and I got my precious baby boy into this world. I felt overjoyed but quickly realised I had no network whatsoever. I scrambled around trying to join in with things. I’d go to classes to meet other new mums, but I struggled constantly. Connecting with other young parents often meant you heard other peoples birth stories and heard the question, “is this your first baby?” multiple times. It was all extremely painful, but I didn’t want to disrespect and not mention the darling baby boy I so nearly had.

Being brave and sharing my story felt like the right thing to do, and the people I was open and honest with were lovely and kind. But I always came away feeling alone. I realised my entrance to parenthood was completely different to most other peoples.

Stillborn/stillbirth is something we need to talk about more

I feel that miscarriage is being spoken about more (I’ve unfortunately experienced that too) and it’s amazing that we’re collectively talking about it. But there is something very different about having a stillborn. Carrying a baby for such a long time, and it being so public to everyone how pregnant you are, makes it a completely different grieving process that’s so shocking and lonely to deal with. 

I wanted to share my story as I feel there is a huge gap of support for people like me who have suffered a baby loss but want to go on to enjoy all the same things as everyone else. Missing out on not being able to do NCT antenatal classes for my second (first live baby) was pretty isolating, so I hope that others who are feeling something similar right now can know that they are not alone going through this. It does get easier, and I did make my own mum network overtime.

There is still hope after having a stillbirth

Fortunately my story has ended well. I went on to also have a little girl and can honestly say I enjoyed that pregnancy and birth. I discovered during my second pregnancy that I had undiagnosed gestational diabetes, which I was then able to control. I’m very lucky I had more children and can now talk about Archie with them.

He’s part of my life and part of my story. Without him living inside of me a lot of things wouldn’t have happened to me. The loss of his life has definitely made me so grateful for each day I get to spend with the children I do have.

And, although anniversaries especially are still painful, I treasure that it was him that first made me a mummy and the mum I am today.

Would you like to share YOUR story?

We’d love to hear from you. This Is Family is all about sharing family stories – especially from families who feel like their voices are not often heard. Every family has a unique story to tell. We’d love to hear yours. Find out how you can feature on our blog and get involved. So that other parents can feel less alone.

More from This is family:

A diary of a miscarriage

Find your tribe

Matteo arrived early